so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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