i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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