I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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