a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No subtext here. People are naked.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
