For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
