idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
