she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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