so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I came so hard my ears popped.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
