I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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