Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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