Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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