I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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