It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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