last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
