Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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