For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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