why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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