just come out here and I will go home with you...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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