Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my being single is dangerous.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
