Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
