it was like his penis was on wheels.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
