i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
