4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
