Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
