oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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