I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
