I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize