have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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