Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
