Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
