Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
