so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
