I want to have your abortion
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
pray to the hookup gods
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
