My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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