The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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