She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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