the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
