my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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