they need to just BURY HIM!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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