I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
