I want to make a zoo with you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
