never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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