SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
