ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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