So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
