yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
