I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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