the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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