I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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