I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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