i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
