wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
