just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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