So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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