I hate all girls vehemently.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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