Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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