you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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