I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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