i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
