I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
