Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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