I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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