So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
