Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
