i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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