you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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