So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
