just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
