Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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