Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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