the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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