guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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