Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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