When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is Oprah even human
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
