I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
