I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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