last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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