I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
