I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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