Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
