it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
