The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
