I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
