she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
