Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
